Welcome
by sodamonster
Summary: A silly, fun story. Dib, GIR, and Zim get suckered into coming to this side of reality, and meet the chicky that kidnapped them. She messes with their genetic code and does other bad things to them.
1. Meet the Psycho

Author Speaks: I just had a blast with this story, so don't expect it to make sense. It was all for my selfish fun. Truly, this is the most fun I've ever had writing a story.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the thoughts in my head.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a rundown, one-story house, a young woman sat and stared at her radio. Her eyes glazed over as she realized just what the lyrics meant in that song, and how they were talking to her. She recognized that the music wanted her to sing out loud and bring the music to life, but she dared not; she learned long ago to keep quite when she was alone. Sometimes she got an answer back, and in those times she was the most unsettled and disoriented. However, she also realized that she suffered from schizophrenia, among other things, and left the hypnotizing radio in search of the nicely chilled alcohol that was waiting for her in the fridge.  
  
Of her 19 years of existence, she had only been insane for about 7 of them. But she had been a genius all her life. In her rather spacious, inexpensive home that she conned from the owner, she housed several hundred innovative creations that were for her eyes only. One of which was a prototype for a transdementional receiver, or as she called it, the 'Other World Go-Getter'. Today was the day she would try it out, but not before the alcohol was more powerful than the insanity.  
  
A few good, long sips later, and the sanity deficient woman was prepped for the trial run of her invention. A slightly drunken smile found it's way to her face just as her body found it's way to the machine. She decided that it was safe to hum, so she did just that and pushed a few buttons that would get the thing going. (Beware. After this part, I have a mood swing and get silly wit it.) 


	2. A Classic Battle Scenario

In the meantime:  
  
"I've got you now, Zim! With this blood sample of yours, I'll soon rid the world of your alien-ness!! Everyone will have to believe me once I show them how different your DNA is from a humans!" And with that, the boy called Dib began to cackle. Zim, however, was unfazed O_O! He just kind of stood there and grinned back at Dib. "That's no DNA, Dib-pig. That's ketchup! You can show it to whomever you want, but I doubt they'd believe that aliens have ketchup for blood." Dib immediately shut up and growled at Zim.  
  
"ARG!! I have plenty of other ways to get you Zim."  
  
With that, he threw the ketchup vial at Zim, but it missed.  
  
"And I will! Just you wait!"  
  
Dib started cackling again, so Zim rolled his eyes and went home.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I apologize for the horrible shortness of this chapter. Wait, no I don't! Muahahahaha!! 


	3. SUDDENLY A BLUE LIGHT ENGULFED BOTH ZIM ...

I hope ya'll are enjoying this story as much as I am. I really do. Money back guarantee.  
  
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When he arrived at his base, Zim was knocked over by his robot slave, GIR. Because GIR loved his master like a daddy, he licked Zim's face (Not that a dad would be licked by his kids, but.you know). Just as the impatient fury began to exceed it's stopping limit, a letter fell from GIR's tongue. The letter, having magical powers (Not really), quenched Zim's fury with distraction. He hastily got up and inspected the letter like this =_O, which made poor little GIR fall to the floor like an abandoned baby. But GIR did not cry. NO! He giggled and ran laps around his master's legs.  
  
Zim tried his best to see the contents of the letter THROUGH the envelope, but in the end, he decided he'd have to open it. GIR, having ran to his heart's content, jumped onto Zim's head and took a nap. Good thing Zim was too preoccupied with paranoia of the letter to notice. Little by little, the paper was peeled from the other paper, until the flap was undone. With this _ look on his face, Zim slowly slid the paper out of the envelope. SUDDENLY A BLUE LIGHT ENGULFED BOTH ZIM AND GIR!!! Boom, they disappeared.  
  
The same thing happened at Dibs house, only without the GIR thing. And no, Gaz did not care.  
  
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What will happen to the Zim and Gir?? WHAT'S THAT WRETCHED SMELL?? WHAT'S WITH ALL THE ICON FACES????? AAAUUGGHHHHRRRG!!!!! 


	4. Dib Just Wants a Soda

Hey look! A somewhat long chapter!!  
  
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Back at the crazy lady's house, she had just pushed the last button on the machine and sat down in wait. Not really expecting anything to happen, she risked getting her bong out and smoked up in the kitchen. She started singing and giggling and whatnot. The bong's magical powers made her not care about the voices that would answer back. Here's a sample of what she was speaking:  
  
"Can embrace it! Hahaha. OOOHHHH RANG ON TO AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Doot dooot pshAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Fuck I crack hahahaha!! CRACK! I crack myself up. Sensation WASHES OVER ME!! Holllldddinnngg onnnnn....Ahhhhhh..."  
  
Then she stopped making any noise all of a sudden and made this face O_#.  
  
"I CAN SHING IF I WANT!! FUCK UP YOU SHUT FACE!"  
  
Then the insane one stomped off to her invention room with her fists in her ears, as they could not stop the noise that was coming from her brain.  
  
Upon entering the room, she was very surprised to find that a tiny boy with spiky, black hair and a black trenchcoat (She wanted the coat A LOT) and a blue t-shirt and yeah you get it. Well anyways, he was lying on the floor with this look on his face: O_O!! The crick (insane one) took one look at him and his pointy hair and BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!! Not at him, though, cuz that'd be mean. She's high, you know (I'm not, just to let you know). (Whooo..mood swing.the wrong way..) After a few minutes of Dib's silence and the crick's laughter, Dib sat up and was like,  
  
"Why (the fuck) am I here? Are YOU AN ALIEN??"  
  
That only made the psycho laugh harder, until she ran out of air and had to pound on her chest to get her breathing going again. It took a minute or so, but the crazy chick finally responded to the bewildered child.  
  
"No no darlin', I'm no alien. You're here cuz I brought you here. Want a beer?"  
  
Dib thought about it for a second, then declined. Again, Dib talked.  
  
"How did I get here? Where is this place? What's wrong with you? Can I have a soda instead?"  
  
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MUCH more to come, if I ever get around to it. See, ya have ta be in the right mood to write masterpieces such as this, and I'm not right now. Oh well. 


	5. Zim's An Alien, Moron

The chick only had a moment to help the kid up before ANOTHER kid just popped up in her house. Only, the kid wasn't a REAL kid. He was a green, earless, noseless thing that only mildly resembled a kid. And he was accompanied by an even LESS kid-like thing.  
  
"WHAT THE FLIPS'S GOIN' ON??"  
  
After a moment of alcohol-ridden thinking, (Let's give the chick a name, cuz the author is sick of thinking up female pronouns) Midge (DAMN that's an ugly name) figured that the green kid was not a kid, but an alien, and that his friend was a little robot. It was easy to figure out, because this is REAL LIFE, not a cartoon.  
  
Zim sat up in response to Midge's bellow, and everyone just stared at each other for a moment. Midge finally stomped over to Zim and yanked his chin up so he was looking her in the face.  
  
"Listen, little alien dude, you weren't s'posed to get that letter. Now, what? Your leaders gonna come and get ya and blow the planet up cuz I took ya?"  
  
Midge let Zim's chin go and turned around to think. Zim, in turn, fumbled over the right words that would make his captor realize that he was not an alien, but he gave up when he spotted Dib.  
  
"DIB-MONKEY!! This is all YOUR fault, isn't it??"  
  
Dib woke from his daze and snarled back, "NO, you jerk! Weren't you listening?? That lady just SAID it was HER fault. JEESE you're stupid!"  
  
Because of the confused anger that was circulating the room, Dib and Zim tackled each other and, you know, started fighting (I dunno.).  
  
In the meanwhile, GIR was still lying on the floor. Midge turned around and laughed out loud at the two li'l fighting things. Her laugh entranced GIR. He'd never heard anything so happy in his tiny little life (Though you'd never know how long it was the way Mr. Vasquez keeps track of time in his cartoon)! He dazedly skipped over to her and launched himself at her in a hug. Little tears of happiness gathered in his stainless-steel eyes and he whispered, "I love you," into her ear.  
  
Unfortunately, Midge was having a case of the delayed-reactionies, and therefore was thrown off-balance by the 'sudden' appearance of a robot on her chest. She shrieked and giggled and fell on her arse. Then she whispered back at him, "Let's leave these two alone," and took GIR to get a drink, not even caring that he was a robot.  
  
(A.N: As much fun as I am having writing this story, it doesn't appear to be going anywhere. Let's see what happens in the next chapter, eh?) 


	6. Robots Can't Get Drunk

I SWEAR this story is going somewhere. And, yes, GIR will get a voice soon. But PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
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Midge set GIR on the counter and floated over to the frigidair. There was nothing but liquor, beer, Strawberry Kool-Aid (Don't sue me, please), and YUMMY, 3-month old Chinese food in there, so she grabbed 2 liquids and put them behind her back. Then she stood in front of GIR and said:  
  
"Pick one."  
  
Gir giggled with glee, knowing the game well, and pointed at her left arm. Midge cussed, laughed, and handed GIR the liquor. She pored herself a tall, icy glass of Kool-Aid and added some liquor that GIR so nicely shared with her.  
  
After the two were settled in the living room with their refreshments, they turned on the Teletubbies (Don't sue me, please), which GIR said was pretty close to the Scary Monkey Show.  
  
Five minutes was all Midge could take of the bubbly, tummy creatures. She screamed and through her half-empty glass at the wall, which the show was projected onto. Then she raised herself up onto unstable legs to check on the 'kids'.  
  
She stumbled down the hallway, whose walls were impaled with knives and screwdrivers and the such, and eventually came to her invention room. In it rested the child and the alien, both bloody and out of breath. GIR pranced in after her and ran around the room.  
  
Midge, quite boozed-up, decided that now was as good a time as any to go find the little creatures that were fighting in her house.  
  
"Hey there, kiddies. Look, I don't know why ya'll are fightin', but you're getting' blood on my floor. So cut it out."  
  
Zim wiped the blood from his mouth and growled at the woman:  
  
"LOOK yourself! What are we doing here, lady?? And we were done fighting before you got in here, just so we're clear on that. GIR! Stop running around!"  
  
GIR's little eyes turned red as he saluted his master, and skipped around the room instead.  
  
Midge slumped down on the floor and smiled lazily at GIR.  
  
"You're here cuz I brought you here. As an experiment. It worked. So I don't need ya anymore. I thought we already went over that. Anyhow, you'll be staying here for a while. At least till I get that danged machine working again. Plus, ya'll look kinda weird for kids from this dimension, so ya can't leave the house. That is, unless ya want me ta get ya'll new bodies. I can do that, ya know. I'm a genious."  
  
Dib was only slightly angry, but he didn't have anything interesting going on that night, so he didn't care. Actually, he was quite impressed by this strange place. But he was a little unnerved that the woman didn't care that there was an alien AND a tiny robot in her house.  
  
"So. Anything else?" hinted Dib.  
  
Zim, annoyed at GIR, jumped up after him and tackled him to the ground.  
  
Midge responded with a snort, "Ah, yeah, introductions. I'm Ellanoir Servior, but you can call me Midge. What'd ya'll be called? And what species are ya'll?"  
  
Dib gave Midge one of those suspicious looks, but answered her odd question, and the normal one, "I'm Dib. And I'm a human kid. My sister's evil. My dad hosts a stupid kids show."  
  
Dib looked over at Zim, and seeing that he wasn't going to answer, answered for him.  
  
"That's Zim. He's an alien from the planet Irk. I'm gonna turn him in to the authorities and become the most FAMOUS HUMAN EVER!!"  
  
That sent him cackling, so Midge rolled her eyes and left the room, calling over her shoulder:  
  
"I'm gonna take a nap. Ya'll get comfy, but don't leave the house. I'm gonna set the alarm so ya'll don't leave. When I wake up, I'll get ya'll some new bodies so ya can roam the city while I fix that friggin' machine."  
  
She lumbered down the hallway, leaving the three strangers to their own devices. 


End file.
